Monday, April 02, 2007

Where to sunbathe above the Arctic Circle. Or, the Asterisk's Guide to a Muddled Mind

Today I walked out of the school building after volleyball practice. It was nearly 8 and the sun was still making its shiney known. I hadn’t finished the gearing up process.

The zipping and hooding and gloving had not yet totally occurred.

But I did make a great exit. Doors swinging, unzipped coat flapping in the breeze, laptop bag swung determinedly over my shoulder, rhinestone sunglasses blocking that nasty snow glare.
It was almost like I should have been moving in slow motion with some cheesy soundtrack echoing behind me, announcing my entrance in the scene*.

So I was outside.
And my first thought, “Wow, it’s pretty damn nice out here!”

It was 14 degrees.

My second thought was, “spring has sprung!”

My third thought, “to hell with the zipping and gloving. It’s a bloody beautiful day!”

That’s when I starting thinking a little harder about my thoughts. This is the only place on earth that 14 degrees is warm.
The only place on earth that 14 degrees gives you a little spring in your step.
The only place on earth that 14 degrees makes you think, “I will have to pull out my thinner coat tonight”.

And as I strode home in the 14 degree spring, with my coat blowing open and the wind whipping through my hair***, my final thought before I sunk into the tunes of my ipod was, “Damn, I’m hard core.”

*How frickin cool would that be! If I had my own soundtrack! Hey and I could get my own laugh track too. That way people would have an auditory cue as to when they should laugh.
So people would know when I was making a joke, and also, they would stop laughing when I trip over my shadow
Or when I sit on something gross and messy**.

**That reminds me of a story. Back in college I had this great coat. It wasn’t really all that warm but it had pockets for everything. I kept an entire office supple store in my coat.
And still had room to stow a few books, a skine of yarn, knitting needles, and my lunch.

It was my lunch that caused a problem.
Being all health conscious, I decided to take a banana and some crackers to school on that fateful day. Somewhere after my morning class I sat down on a cement bench near my next lecture.
I sat, peacefully watching the people go by, thinking about all the homework that desperately needed to be avoided, when I felt a strange sensation on my buttocks.

It was like I had just sat on wet grass and the dew was soaking through my pants. But I was sitting on dry concrete.

I quickly jumped up and felt my arse. It was absolutely soaked.
So was my jacket, dripping with gooey grime.
My jacket pocket.

I had sat on and smooched my banana.

You have no idea how much liquid is carefully conceled in one of those.

*** For the record, my hair might not have been exactly blowing in the wind. Technically the hair was tied up in a bun and therefore not very billow-y. But I think my eyebrows might have done a bit of thrashing. So I stand by my words.****

**** Special prize to anyone who truthfully made it through my maze o' footnotes without to need to supress the urge to hit me in the forehead with a rather large cast iron frying pan.

I made it through the maze of footnotes.. what do I win?* That was actually a fun post to read.

*and don't say a shiny quarter.
The special prize was going to be the inherent knowledge of a job well done.

But if that isn't enough for you, and you really don't want the shiny quarter, how about a dull Kennedy half dollar?
I think the prize should be two tickets for me and Brent to visit. According to your post Barrow is beautiful this time of year!
dude, I'll take the dull Kennedy half dollar! The half dollar is more than the quarter. :)
Sorry Joey, I can't spring for the tickets but I can give a package that includes a free couch to sleep on and dinner for two cooked by yours truely.

Sara, One of these days I'll drop that half dollar in the mail! It will be super dull, just for you!
dinner for 2 cooked by you? oh good lord no!! does barrow have a fire department?

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