Sunday, March 25, 2007

Tickling the tonsils

I use blogging as a useful avoidance technique.

I have this really long (2500 word) essay to write.
There used to be two essays, but I managed to actually complete on and send it off. Now I am on the second. It, of course, is the much longer and daunting-er one (yes, I understand that that is not a word. No, I do not care.)

I am, however, 579 words into the essay and decided that that warranted a break.
And possible a few big swigs from a large bottle of something containing alcohol.
(damn, the only alcohol I have in the place is my mouth wash.)

You think Listerine mixes well with coke?

Anyway, for your reading pleasure, and my avoidance of a terribly tough essay, I bring you, Nose Rockets.

Green gooeyness.

The stuff that resides in a persons’ nose is of a regular contention in the arctic.

I have, on a prior occasion, talked at length of nostril trash, about the fact that the state of your nose is very dependent on the dryness of the air.

For some reason, still unexplainable to myself, we have been particularly dry. We are talking about crazy super dry.
The frizzy hair, clingy everything, flaky skin kinda dry.

The kind that creates static with every movement. The act of traveling from my trusty recliner to the bathroom causes enough static to shock the hell out of me when I reach for the light switch. Enough so that the hair on my opposite arm is moved to stand on end.

But the numbing of my fingers is not the point at this particular juncture.
Though, if it was, I would take this time to tell you the story of a funny little shock I got today. Lets just say it involved a cup of water, no metal, and a bright blue spark.

Oh, I just can’t leave it all cryptic! I touched the water in my plastic cup to check the temperature (my faucet does this quirky hot then cold then hot again thing.) And I was shocked.
Static shock from freaking water.
Good story…

Anyway. Back to boogers.

I have had the worst nose gunk lately. We are talking about huge, uncomfortable clogs in my nasal cavity. The kind that undulate disconcertingly with every breath, but refuse to budge when you try to politly blow them out into a Kleenex.
The kind that you have to dig for.
The kind that almost make a popping noise when removed because they are so damn big.

The kind that are so massive they dangle down the back of your throat. When you dig them free you feel them dragging from deep inside your face.

I have had my finger knuckle deep in my nostril for much of the week.

Good thing I have nice long nails…

so if you come to visit me, should i make sure to leave a box of kleenex's next to your bed? or perhaps a shovel would be more effective? at any rate, the dog eats anything. and i'm sure the bird would love to help too!!

I think my nose problem will be solved as soon as i leave the icy desert.
At least I hope so.

What if my nose is damaged completely!
What if i am stuck with boogers a-plenty forever!
This sounds disgusting, but when I shower; I cup my right hand under my nose and catch water in my hand and cover one nostril with my index
finger of my left hand, suck up water into my nasal passage. Then, I wait a couple of seconds and expel it down the drain. Then repeat with the other nostril. Cleans um right out! I think it kills those nasty germs, too. The clorine and all. Does anyone else do this. Let's hear it from the group. UM Come on be honest!!
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