Tuesday, January 30, 2007


I am currently cleaning bits of brain out of the carpets. There are skull chunks on the overhead projector. Blood splatters on the whiteboard.

My head exploded today.

My favorite class full of my favorite students was “working” on their assignment.
Though math was on my lesson plans, they had other ideas.

One decided to stab his paper, rip it to shreds, and take a nap on the floor.
One decided to giggle manically at his pencil eraser for over 20 minutes.
One decided to fall off his chair no less than 12 times.

One decided to glue his homework to his desk.

There was a hissing noise. It was similar to that of a pressure cooker building up.
Then there was a pop. It was faint. As if from a long distance or muffled by a big fluffy pillow.

That pop was my head exploding.

Do you know how to get gray matter out of wool?

All I could picture while reading this entry was Samuel L. Jackson, spray bottle in hand, ranting to John Travolta about being on "brain detail".

Now I need to Netflix that movie :-)

I'd try club soda to get gray matter out of the wool.
If that doesn't work take it to a dry cleaner pronto.
But don't--I repeat, do not--wash or dry the wool in high temperatures.

PS. Jesus loves you.
Want me to send you a roll of duct tape for your head ala Glenn Beck??UM
As it turned out, club soda with a little vodka was the perfect way to clean brain goo.

Of course, it worked better when I drank it than when I rubber it on my blazer.
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