Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Snot My Problem Now

This post is about a rather unpleasant matter. You are advised to stop reading at this point if you suffer from extreme squeamishness or an irrational fear of snot.

Since I have made my cross county journey from the farthest north west to the farthest south east I have had the chance to really compare the incredible differences in this great country.
From sea to shining sea you can find a vast variety of, well, everything.

Here is the most recent of observations I have made.

If one were to compare Vero Beach, Florida and Barrow, Alaska they would likely find significantly more differences than they would similarities

After racking my brain for several long seconds I found that their similarities are limited to:
1. Both reside on an ocean
2. Both are within the confides of the United States
3.Both are cities.

Not a soul in their right mind could confuse the two.

I then spent a few more intense seconds thinking of differences and the list grew quite a bit longer.
I lost count at difference number 8.

After spending a few days on the sunny beaches of warm Vero Beach I can announce the greatest difference between these two largely contrasting locals.

I haven’t felt compelled to pick my nose once since I’ve been here.

That’s right, my nostrils have been free of finger invasion since I landed in this humidly wonderful state.

Allow me to explain.
When you step outside in a subzero desert and take that first breath of bone-chilling air something funny happens. Your boogers freeze. They freeze and grow larger with every breath you take. Collecting the moisture from your lungs and mixing it with booger juice.

It makes gargantuan goobers.
Bigger and bigger.
Until you are forced, against your will to reach up high and dig them out.

Just the presence of all that bitter dry air consolidates snot into hard little lumps just screaming to be freed.

Since I have been here in the heavenly humidity I have not had the need to search for nose gold.
My nasal cavity it clear and clean.

It has been quite an amazing experience. I have been free of the need to find a corner to scratching my brain.

My nose would like to take this moment to thank the great state of Florida for giving it this vacation from hostile mucus and the fingers it comes with.

you should start a collection. maybe you could make it a world record

the world's largest booger ball.
very interesting...
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