The Here and Now

It has finally happened.
Someone has recognized my inherent athletic ability. My grace. My strength.

My hand eye coordination.

They have seen within me what so many have looked past.

I am a coach.

That’s right boys and girls. I am coaching a girl’s basketball team.

I am sure, by now you have realized that I have about as much grace as a drunk giraffe on roller skates.
And I have just enough athletic ability to participate in the Special Olymics. (not the one for people, those contestants are hard core and could kick my butt at most sports. I am talking about the Special Olymics for blind three legged puppies.)

As far as coordination, well, lets just say it’s all fun and games until I poke someone in the eye.

And now I am a basketball coach.

My team is a little concerned.

“Coach*, do you even know anything about basketball?”

“That’s the sport with the bouncy bright yellow balls and little little rackets, right?”

“No! Coach! Oh no…” they groaned in unison.

“Wait, no, it’s the one with the baskets,” I correct as they nod excitedly. “And the orange ball about the size of my head.” Their eyes are bright. “And the running and jumping and bouncing and the scoring of points.”

“Yeah! You were just foolin’, you know how to play, don’t ya!”

“Nope, never played a game in my life. I saw it once, for four seconds while flipping channels… back years ago before I gave up TV, while I was recovering from eye surgery and couldn’t see but for a foot and a half I front of me.”
They all just stared.

I had to wonder, were they staring because they were trying to work out whether I was serious or because they only understood every third word I said.

“So you know how to play…?” One of the taller ones asked, her voice full of uncertinaty,

“Nah, but I know how it should sound,” I shrugged.

It turned out to be a decent practice. We ran, and jumped, and dribbled, and threw the ball, and even scored points.

But, the girls are still fearful of my questions.

Like:
“How many players on the court at one time?”
“What does double dribble mean?”
“How many points do you get if you make a basket?”

But little academic problems aside, I think we’re going to be just fine. Peachy keen. Wonderbar.

The first game is Saturday.
Help me! Help me Help me Help me!


*I love it when they call me coach.