Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Bum Bum

The wind has died.
All is mostly calm in the great white wilderness.

However, upon waking to the still and/or gentle breeze a new danger was found.


A thick, solid, totally smooth pane of ice had covered everything over night. The world took on a shiny glow.
A dangerously slick shiny glow.

I walk to school everyday. It’s only about 4 blocks. Short enough to be labeled as a pansy if you bitch and long enough to hurt like hell when the wind is blowing and the temperature is dropping.
Or if you are forced to shuffle along to stay steady on brand new ice.

I walked. I stepped lightly and carefully at first.
Each footstep stuck to the ground like glue.
I can’t fall! I’m like a super hero.


As my self-assurance grew my steps became wider and quicker. I was nearly walking like a normal humanoid.

Then, as you probably have foreseen, my confidence came crashing down. I hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. Or like a blonde-type person with no balance attempting to pretend that ice has no power over them.

When you flip to the ground. Sprawling arse first to the earth. Spread eagle and in minor pain, what is the first thing you do?

Do you nurse your wounds?
Pick up the shattered pieces of your pride?
Stand up?

No. None of the above.
The first thing you do is scour the area to see if anyone saw your swan dive to humiliation.

As luck would have it, only one van was in the vicinity. And it had passed just before my graceful lunge for the turf.

But as MY luck would have it, that van full of guys did, in fact, see the whole nosedive and were laughing heartily as they turned their van around and opened the door.

Through fits of giggles and guffaws they asked, “Lady, you alright? You fell funny.”

My face turned a violent shade of red. “Yeah, it’s slick out here.”

“Come on, get in before you fall again,” still laughing, “We’ll give you ride. You fall funny.”

These guys are like my knights in rusty armor.

They did not stop laughing the entire trip to the school.

My arse and pride are both quite bruised.

Use your OIL CHECK TO GET AND ICE BIKE!! They have spikes in the tires sort of like golf shoes. UM
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