Friday, September 15, 2006


Today my class took another field trip.
This time we ventured to the beach, as far as possible from school and lemmings. It was a beautiful day to spend several hours on the shore frolicking.

The kids had a very simple assignment. They had a set number and type of things they had to collect.

1 piece of bone
2 rocks
1 piece of beach glass

So we walked. We collected. We meandered on the rocky shoreline, enjoying one of the last few pretty days of the year.

Overall it was a good day.
But the real story lies in the details.

One of my students, formally one of the most notorious lemming killers, found a bone.
Being male and a young teenager he was curious about the origin of this bone. He came to me, while surrounded by other students and asked,
“Is this a Boner Bone?”

All the boys were laughing. I tried to ignore the comment, simply saying, that I didn’t think so.
I wasn’t about to go into the anatomy and physiology of a penis at this moment.

The rest of the fieldtrip was occasionally punctuated by penis questions and comments.

Boner Bones!

After hours on the beach we finally arrived back at the classrooms. The students excitedly showed off their rocks, glass, and bones.

Boner Bones!

That always-inquisitive killer of the small and furry was the last one out of the room today before lunch. He asked again,
“What do Boner Bones look like?”

“Actually, there are no bones in that, um, region of the body,” I responded as tactfully as possible.

“Oh.” He said and then went to the hall.

Within moments I heard his voice ring out,
“There are no Bones in Boners!”

Oh dear God. I scampered out to the hall where two of the 7th grade teachers looked from me to the loud mouth sociopath, laughing.

To make matters worse, after explaining why I was even talking about Boners in class and my facing turning a violent shade of magenta, one of the teachers turned to tell me that I am, in fact, wrong.

As it turns, walruses and seals have penis bones. A walrus penis bone can even be two feet long and is often used to make axes and shovels.
My eager annoyance may not have been simply spouting forth his newly acquired testosterone, but may have been honestly questioning something he found.

Plus, after closer inspection I found that a few of the bones collected might actually be Boner Bones.

All I can currently do is shake my head in shame.

I can tell you haven't read Seventeen, since leaving the lower 48!!!
They had this wonderful article on boners not long ago. It included step-by-step instructions on giving good BJs.
Until you "bone-up" on this subject, I'll gladly field any further questions your students may have about penises:)

Brent reads Seventeen???
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