The Here and Now

This evening I went out.
I was out on the town, with a few people I have met since moving to this town of chillyness.

It was, in theory, a good time.
Dinner that I didn’t have to cook myself, a funny movie that I hadn’t yet seen, and a plethora of conversation.

However, as the evening drew on I began to have the nagging urge to claw my eyes out.
Why, you ask?

Because of phrases.

There are specific phrases that should not be uttered repeatedly by anyone over the age of 16. They are not entirely useless phrases; they have a place in conversation when used sparsely.

The offensive phrases are as follows:

“It’s funny because…”

This is a valley girl statement that should absolutely not be used by an adult male.
Multiple times.
In one story.
It does have a place, when telling a story that tends to be sardonic or needs a slight explanation as to the humor involved. However, when telling a pre-announced “funny story,” using the phrase “it’s funny because…” is not only redundant but is a tell tale sign that you are telling it wrong.


“The best part was…”

This simple saying is benign enough at first glance, but when used over and over and over again it begins to have a similar effect on the brain as a blender has to margarita.
How many “best parts” can one sentence have?


“The thing is…”

all I have to say to this one is, freaking stop saying it.
Damnit, I must have heard this expression ten thousand times.
In the course of one story.
A short story.


I left the night with nail marks on my palm. From clenching my fists every time I heard the words.

And the thing was, the best part was, that it was funny because of the happy thoughts I had when contemplating the fun of cheese graters on the pads of my feet.