Thursday, March 09, 2006
Plotting
I believe that there is an evil plot against me.
There is no feasible way that my little angels can be this horrendous this astoundingly difficult without an all-consuming plan. An evil design.
Here is the scene:
Evil guy from the future: Jody has foiled my plans of world domination! What can I do to stop her?
Evil guy’s evil sidekick: (while stroking his chin in a evil cliché way) I know! We could go back to the past to a time when she was a first year teacher. We will disguise ourselves as her students and gradually drive her over the edge of sanity!
Evil guy from the future: That is a brilliant plan! This way when the time comes for her to become our formidable foe she will not even be able to lift a finger against us from the confines of her little white padded cell! Muh hahahaha!
So they hopped in their shiny and very futuristic looking time machine, turned on the flashing lights and beeping buttons, and spun their way through time.
Landing in the year 2006
In Alaska.
As 11 year-old girls.
As two members of my reading and writing class.
As bloody pains in my arse.
In the back of my classroom.
Today.
Evil guy from the future disguised as an 11 year-old girl: I do believe that we need to increase our efforts! She is not yet bending under the force of our wrath!
Evil guy’s evil sidekick disguised as an 11 year-old girl: But how? We already are throwing paper wads at her head. We have called her fatty and ugly at every opportunity. Not to mention the time that we poked her incessantly with a ruler! Maybe she is stronger than we had originally thought!
Evil guy from the future disguised as an 11 year-old girl: I have it! A plan that cannot fail! I will tear up this long detailed unit project (that she spent hours planning) in her face and toss the pieces in the air so that they rain down upon her in a shower of disrespect.
Evil guy’s evil sidekick disguised as an 11 year-old girl: Excellent!
Evil guy from the future disguised as an 11 year-old girl: And you can make “the most annoying sound in the world” every time she opens her mouth to speak. She’ll be in that padded room in no time flat!
Together: Muh hahahahah!
Flash forward several hours: Another teacher finds me in the fetal position under my desk beating my forehead against the cold cruel tile floor. Eyes glazed and unfocused. Humming a tune from the future…
There is no feasible way that my little angels can be this horrendous this astoundingly difficult without an all-consuming plan. An evil design.
Here is the scene:
Evil guy from the future: Jody has foiled my plans of world domination! What can I do to stop her?
Evil guy’s evil sidekick: (while stroking his chin in a evil cliché way) I know! We could go back to the past to a time when she was a first year teacher. We will disguise ourselves as her students and gradually drive her over the edge of sanity!
Evil guy from the future: That is a brilliant plan! This way when the time comes for her to become our formidable foe she will not even be able to lift a finger against us from the confines of her little white padded cell! Muh hahahaha!
So they hopped in their shiny and very futuristic looking time machine, turned on the flashing lights and beeping buttons, and spun their way through time.
Landing in the year 2006
In Alaska.
As 11 year-old girls.
As two members of my reading and writing class.
As bloody pains in my arse.
In the back of my classroom.
Today.
Evil guy from the future disguised as an 11 year-old girl: I do believe that we need to increase our efforts! She is not yet bending under the force of our wrath!
Evil guy’s evil sidekick disguised as an 11 year-old girl: But how? We already are throwing paper wads at her head. We have called her fatty and ugly at every opportunity. Not to mention the time that we poked her incessantly with a ruler! Maybe she is stronger than we had originally thought!
Evil guy from the future disguised as an 11 year-old girl: I have it! A plan that cannot fail! I will tear up this long detailed unit project (that she spent hours planning) in her face and toss the pieces in the air so that they rain down upon her in a shower of disrespect.
Evil guy’s evil sidekick disguised as an 11 year-old girl: Excellent!
Evil guy from the future disguised as an 11 year-old girl: And you can make “the most annoying sound in the world” every time she opens her mouth to speak. She’ll be in that padded room in no time flat!
Together: Muh hahahahah!
Flash forward several hours: Another teacher finds me in the fetal position under my desk beating my forehead against the cold cruel tile floor. Eyes glazed and unfocused. Humming a tune from the future…
posted by Jody @ 5:50 PM 
